Thanks everyone for you kind words and prayers. Prayer does work, my sister called my brother yesterday to apologize for the things she said. And my brother came over to talk to us, and included me too, usually he just talks with my husband.
Mom is going in for an endoscopy today to find out about the chest pain last week. Also to the dr about her knee. I still do not understand why my sister does two doctors on the same day! We decided last night to find out when my sister flies next, and my husband and I will go down and get mom before she leaves.
Joan

My Mom passed away 11 years before my Dad and she was cremated, put into a not too expensive urn and turned over to Dad. A year later Dad decided to move back to Wisconsin from Arizona and he stopped by my house on his way driving across country. I knew he had a moving company take most of his belongings and asked him where he had put Mom's urn. I had to bite my tongue when he said she was in the trunk of his car...somewhere he had secret thoughts of putting her even before she passed away when she was especially crabby. (she could do that very well sometimes) I shared this with my Sister and Brother later and we had to all admit there were times Mom belonged in the trunk-out of ear shot. I meant no disrespect because we all loved Mom of course, but funny is funny and Dad had no idea how it sounded when he told me of her whereabouts that day. Years later when his time came, he was cremated also and his wish was that he and Mom be buried in the same family plot. The day before the memorial service we were frantic trying to find Moms urn for the internment. Dad had told each of us a different story as to where he had put Moms urn when he arrived in Wisconsin. We searched inside and out under the lilac tree and beside the hydrangea bushes....no urn. About and hour later my SIL came out of one of the bedrooms with a brown paper bag in hand. She had found it behind some hats on a shelf in a closet. Inside was the urn and we were all happy to have found her.
I relate this story because family dynamics surrounding illness, dying and death rituals are so varied and different in each family. The worries of what to do while they are so sick and how to care for them is trying enough, but then to have to make decisions about their burial one day is so very traumatic for some, especially when family members aren't in agreement. If we only knew for sure what is the best thing to do and could do it with prayers and controlled emotions. In the end we must do what is right and do-able in our own circumstances.
Joan I'll keep you and your Mom in my prayers. Karen

joanrae wrote: no need for apologies
jenny in oz

I want to apologize for going on and on in my last post. I prayed all day, and I know it is His will and in His time. I'm just weary and had to get it out! Sorry!
Thanks for your prayers.
Joan

We wanted to save money with my Grandmother's funeral also. She wanted to be cremated and I thought of just renting an urn from the funeral home--they want $150. Nope, not going to happen. I found a beautiful burgandy colored vase that had a lid ($30) cut out some flowers from some wallpaper I was using in my bedroom, decopagued (sp?) this to the jar, took a metallic gold pen and added some trim. It was elegant and Granny was in her box under the communion table with her jar on the table and a picture of her nearby.

Florence, That story was the best. Brought tears, why, I don't know, just missing my dad, and my mom coming here is back up in the air, and I'm not sleeping with worry! Someday we do have to have that cup of tea together!
Please everyone pray for what is best for my mom. My sister is not being very nice, oh I am so polite!, because that is putting it mildly! My brother tried talking with her, and telling her we do not have the money to keep her down there with all the caregivers, and she yelled at him for 30 minutes. Accusing him of wanting his "inheritance"!! There isn't any!! She has spent all the money they had to take care of themselves! I'm exhausted, weary, ready to give up. When he told her what do we do when we run out of money and mom needs more specilaized care? Her answer was, oh she can go on medicaid with me. We are at our wits end. I have been praying a day long novena, my husband is going to try to talk some sense into her. Please keep us in your prayers. My sister is not at all in touch with reality. She is in her own reality which is very different from the true state of affairs!
Thank you
Joan

You all are such wonderful friends and your sweet comments are so moving... thanks for everything...
I have one more thing I want to share with you, maybe you'll be able to do something similar one day, but it was one last thing I could do for my mom...
(ok, if funerals give you the creeps, don't read...)
Mama's body was cremated, and we're just too frugal to pay hundreds of dollars for a beautiful wooden box to bury, but wanted something nice for the church... lots of discussion about how some churches have a box you can use, or is a pall just enough, etc.... then it came to me ... I could cover the cardboard box that comes from the crematorium with fabric to "dress it up"... Well, you know my mind couldn't stop there... so DH and I got a spare box, he covered it w/ black fabric (spray adhesive) and I went to work.... I was going to make just one more crane to put on top, but then I got really corny & made 2, and was able to use scraps of fabric from all of the grandchildren's quilts (even 2 sons which are WIPs). So I stitched them up, sandwiched them and put a binding on (nice to have black binding already cut from some other project!) and then adhered that on top. Final touch, lined the inside of the box with the cranes from the back of her quilt.
Gave it to the minister, and he placed her ashes inside. We did cover it with a pall at church, but then it was carried in front of us as we left the church, and we actually processed the 6 blocks to the cemetery. (easier than driving and parking!) The box was then placed beside the grave (dug by my DBIL, another frugality!) for the commendation, then lowered, and we all put a handful of dirt in on top. All really moving (and green!)
But last night I finally did get my sewing room back in shape (needless to say, that was done in a hurry and nothing put away) and I got some more sewing done on one of the graduation quilts. Life goes on...
Hugs to you all, Florence

Hanne Grete I always appreciated my Mom but never thought a lot about what a blessing a good mother is. And I was VERY blessed! I just assumed everybody had the same situation. So sorry to hear that is not true in your case. Reading about your kids I can tell you are a great mother and such a kind person that you've made your own way afterall in spite of any problems.
Karen

This is a hard one for me!!! I have been thinking a lot of this subject

Grewing up as a Jehovas vitnes..and a pshycopath as a mother. ( not a good combination)...I find it hard to attend the prayers list
BUT. as I read all your messages on this topic...it does not mean I am with out feelings..my heart goes out to all of you who has a hard time.
All my love and thought are with you!! When you are posting you deep felt tought and wishes..I am with you..I feel with you and for you!
For all of you who needs good thoughts...I am here!
I am thinking of you and feel you pain, hurt and sorrows!

Florence, hugs from me! I am so sorry to hear of your mom's passing. She was such an extraordinary woman, and she touched countless lives. What a legacy! Blessings to you and your family. I am glad you have peace and assurance that she is now with our Lord. I'm sure she's hearing, "Well done, good and faithful servant."

Florence,

I'm so sorry to hear of your mother's passing. I pray you will know God's peace in your heart as you grieve for her and are comforted knowing she is in His presence.

Thank you for sharing about the full and generous life she had on earth.


Sue R

Florence,what an amazing woman your mother was.That's what I call living a full and meaningful life.Your quilt story brought a tear to my eye,its a beautiful and ingenious quilt. I'm so sorry for your loss and I'll be keeping you in my thoughts. Julie

[[[[[[[[[FLORENCE]]]]]]]]]]]]]]
Hugs to you. No matter how old you are when your mom dies, the world will never be the same again. She sounds like a wonderful lady....keep the memories.

Florence - I am so sorry to hear about your mom passing away! What a wonderful woman you described! A role model for all of us! God Bless you and your family during this difficult time! My prayers are with you! Mary Kay