hmm. I often design my own quilts, so am making up borders as I go (or in the design process).
Sometimes I do no border, sometimes a narrow, then wide, then narrow border. When I do add borders, I like for the wide border to be maybe 1/4 to 1/3 the block size, maybe up to 1/2 depending on if I am doing narrow/wide/narrow or just one wide border. If I'm doing narrow and wide, then the narrow one I make around 1/3 or 1/2 the size of the wide border.
I have a computer program that I use (EQ7) so I play with it until it seems in proportion.
Otherwise, I determine border size by figuring out what total size I am aiming for in the quilt (am I trying to get a lap/throw up to twin size? A twin pattern up to full size?), then subtract the main top size from that, divide the remaining width in half and as long as that works (ie, is not giving me a border that is wider than the actual blocks) use that size. Or, if it is larger than I want for one single border, then split that out into a narrow border and a wider border. Repeat that process for needing to add length, and before cutting any fabric, make sure to start with whichever border is narrower .
For example, if you only need 8" added to the length, but need 12" added to the width, that means a 4" border top & bottom, so then be sure to subtract also the 4" on left and right, leaving you with only 4 more inches needed on the width, so then decide...do you want to add a narrow 2" border only on the sides? Add it on all sides, and end up longer than you need? etc.... And of course remember to cut .5" wider than the measurement you want to end up with, to allow for seam allowances.
Always put the narrow one inside, though, so that in the end you have the wider one out for trimming; more forgiving that way if it ends up not quite square and then ends up narrower than intended.
If I'm not making myself clear, let me know, I'll try and explain better.